Meow.

These cat ears used to belong to one of my best friends in high school. They were one of her "signature" accessories, which she wore to school on a fairly regular basis.

The summer that I was 16, my boyfriend cheated on me and then lied about it and it was all around not a very nice day when I found out. I called my friend to talk to her about it, and we decided that the best thing to do about it was to go out for ice cream. So I picked her up and drove us to Dairy Queen, but she said that before we went in she had something to give me. She reached into her bag and pulled out her cat ears and gave (approximately) the following speech:

"I've been involved in theatre for a really long time, and one thing I've learned is that being the centre of attention always cheers me up. The best way to do that is to wear something ridiculous and sparkly so that you know everyone's paying attention to you for a good reason. And because I want you to be able to have that feeling right now, I want you to have my cat ears."

That was almost six years ago and I still wear them sometimes if I'm feeling down, even though I've kind of fallen out of touch with my friend. They're really special to me because it was such a heart-felt gift, and I know that they were something she really loved and meant a lot to her before she gave them to me, so it was really special.

Christmas Endings and Beginnings

It really doesn't feel like Christmas now. There's no tree up this year, and the weather is surprisingly warm, so all of the usual signals that it's Christmas are absent. I'm just about done with my gift making/wrapping and have tried putting on Christmas music to get myself in the mood but it feels a little forced.

I'm hoping that getting down to the new place - which is decorated and Christmas-y - will help get me into the spirit, as will having a lot of time with family over Christmas and the following week; I get to go visit my boyfriend's family, my sister and new nephew, and finally come back to the city for New Year's Eve.

While I wouldn't necessarily wish it on anyone, it's kind of nice that my family's all broke because there isn't a large expectation for presents. I think the consumeristic Christmas bubble broke last year, when I spent the holidays stressing out because I couldn't afford both to buy all the things asked of me and afford food, and one elder sister was having trouble coming up with money for bills but didn't tell anyone.

The only thing I'm nervous about is one particular present this year. I've felt really hurt by one of my siblings who has inexplicably given me a hard time for making presents and expressed the expectation that one day I'll grow up and buy more things (this is inexplicable because she also makes some presents, isn't exchanging gifts with me this year, and just listened to me have a conversation about what to buy with my present partner).

I'm sending her a package filled with handmade gifts (well, except for the customary lotion-as-stocking-stuffer).

I'm not being passive-aggressive, I promise! I made sure they were all things that suit her tastes and needs, and I'm hoping to make the whole thing into a joke to ease some of the tension. But I realize that it's a tricky line to walk and that this could all blow up in my face, so I'm still trying to figure out whether to call or leave a letter in the package, bring the gift with me when I visit or send it in the mail, etc. It's tricky.

Wish me luck, nerdfighters, and DFTBA over the holidays! I'll see you guys just before the end of 2011.