Descriptions and Speculations

When I describe myself, I say I'm nerdy, crafty and quiet. If you've caught me when I'm being more blunt, I'd also point out that I'm sometimes socially awkward, easily distracted and a habitual multi-tasker even though I'm awful at it. I try to generally be optimistic, but when it concerns something I really care about I become pessimistic so that I don't get my hopes up. I've been working on trying to be more straight forward rather than a people pleaser, so I try to speak my mind.

Friends have described me as pragmatic, accepting, silly, down to earth, and perpetually unfazed (I was near some friends while writing this, so I asked them for suggestions). I think that since I hang out with people that are similar to me, I sometimes underestimate my level of nerdiness. As I hung out with my sisters last weekend, it was jarring to get laughed at for talking about missing my Dungeons and Dragons group when I move away, and I had the sudden realization that to many people that might seem weird, even though to me it was commonplace.

My sisters have also referred to me as a little rebellious since I have some opinions different from the rest of my family and, with my effort to be more straight forward, have been more open about them in recent years.

The silliness is also a new thing; since I've started spending chunks of my day with kids - and often playing with them and goofing off to get them interested in me - I've gotten much sillier.

Someone who doesn't like me could easily describe me as being stuck up (an unfortunate side effect of being introverted), awkward, weird (due to geekiness), messy, and absent-minded.

I guess it's a good thing my parents like me.

I would describe myself as stubborn.  I consider this both a good and bad thing.  The same goes for the fact that I am a huge introvert.  I am easily overwhelmed, easily upset, and overly anxious.  I am absolutely horrid at making decisions.  I would almost always rather listen than talk, but when I do talk I want people to be listening, I hate being interrupted and I really hate repeating myself.  I used to be a perfectionist but it was too stressful so now I'm just a slacker.   Except really I'm still a perfectionist who doesn't bother trying which is the same as being a slacker who feels guilty all the time.  I tend not to enjoy doing things I'm bad at, and I don't take criticism very well.   I feel like I'm still looking for my place in the world, and I just don't quite fit properly anywhere.  As is somewhat evident from this list, I tend to be a  hard on myself and don't think I have very many positive traits.  I'm pretty good at being happy most of the time, I guess.

My best friend has told me on several occasions that I have "the patience of a saint."  I've also been described as a 'silly catalyst' because as soon they're around me they start doing ridiculous things.  Also probably that I'm pretty silly myself.  I'm generally pretty agreeable about doing whatever other people want to do.  I think they would also say I can be a little distant at times, and I'm not super great at keeping in touch.  And I can be a little whiny at times.

For the 'enemy' portion, I'm going to go with "things an ex-boyfriend said in post-breakup emails" (and some things he didn't say but I think were evident from the way I acted, so they were probably implied), since that's pretty much the nearest thing I have to an enemy.  I run away from my problems.  I don't like talking about my emotions, and I if I'm trying to avoid telling people something I think will hurt them, I will push them away in a way that only ends up hurting them more.  I am bad at taking responsibility for my actions.  I say hostile things without thinking it through and then try to apologize for them later.  If I'm mad at someone or I am trying to avoid them, I tend to make them feel worthless.