Late Post

This one is long guys.

I'm really sorry about about being late with this.

I'm pretty sure this is a free week, right? Time to talk about what's been going on lately. Well, things have been pretty unpleasant and confusing for me ever since around late March/early April this year. And I feel comfortable enough to talk to you guys about it.

So I got really sick early this year and neglected to tell anyone about it. I spent over a month in some really bad pain and it wasn't until May that I told anyone and about two weeks later that I got a fever of 104˚F and was made to see my physician.

But the reason I don't go to doctors is because I'm absolutely terrified of them. I had a major anxiety attack when my physician told me I should drive over to the emergency room just so that they could do some blood tests and a possible scan just to be more accurate than they could at the local clinic. But the idea of the hospital sent me to hysterics and I was given Ativan just so I could enter the hospital without freaking.

I was just planning to go for maybe a total of three hours, they would take maybe two samples of blood and then I could go home. But instead I got a drive-by IV and was left to sit in the hall for 12 hours, they took 15 samples of blood. When they finally told me I could leave and that they had diagnosed me with something, the nurse noticed that I really did have a fever of 104 and they told me I couldn't leave. First, they said I could leave in the morning, then they said I could leave the next day, but it ended up being a week and they still kept trying to have me stay longer. It was a horrible anxiety filled, painful time for me there.

All that was back in May, but I'm still sick now and in therapy to deal with the anxiety that I have over everything and anything medical so that I can actually let the doctors diagnose what I may or may not have. I know that I need to get over this and see a doctor but it's just incredibly hard and mortifying for me, people I know keep trying to just talk me out of the fear and the anxiety but if it were as simple a conversation, I wouldn't need to be in therapy for it.

Sorry if I seem like a whining mess to you now. I thought if I wrote about it I'd feel more comfortable about it.

On the bright-side of everything I went to King Richard's Faire over the weekend. I loved all the costumes and event there. I went to a costume shop and tried on one of the corsets. Not the lingerie "sexy" corsets. They were all really beautiful and made in very vintage styles. It felt really weird, I was not used to the tightness of it but it wasn't painful like I've heard them to be characterized. Ridiculously expensive though they are, I'm thinking about saving up for one for cosplay purposes. Particularly era related ones and steampunk.

Also, while I was there, I got this really beautiful journal. It was handmade and leather-bound with a tiger's eye stone in the center of the cover. It's got really nice fabric based paper and just feels great. I can't bring myself to write in it because it's really gorgeous. I need to take a picture of it for you guys.

That's all, I needed to talk about some stuff that was bothering me but I wanted to talk about something that made me happy too.

TLDR

I've been sick and can't confront it. I also got a cool journal.