This letter is addressed to myself in September of 2008.

Dear Past-Katie,

I know you feel like you're having a pretty rough go of things at the moment, but I have an unfortunate piece of news for you: you're bringing a lot of it on yourself. Luckily, I have a few pieces of advice that could help make things a lot easier.

First, be honest. I know you think you're sparing his feelings by hiding the truth from him, but you're not. Making up excuses is actually making it harder in the long run. Also, you know you're bad at lying, so why are you even trying? Just tell him what the problem is, and the whole thing will be over a lot sooner.

Second, don't run away from things that are difficult. You always run away from your problems, you always have, and to be honest, you till do it sometimes even where I am in the future. You are doing this in two ways right now. One of them is the same problem as above. That is going to be a hard conversation, but you need to do it anyway. The second hasn't actually happened yet, but you need to be ready for it.

The thing you want so badly is going to be a real possibility next month. That's right. He likes you too. But I put it off because you screwed the above situation up so bad that it's too messy at the time. And even after that, I shut the door more or less permanently because I was scared. Scared of the commitment, scared of ruining your friendship, scared that it won't work out... Don't do that. The decision I made was just as bad. If you do run away, at the very least have the decency to tell him that, because that little bit of awkwardness and tension created by leaving things hanging takes a very long time to go away.

One final note: I know you feel like everyone's abandoned you, but it turns out a lot of them weren't having the easiest time just then either. So, pick up the phone and call them, show up at their houses, do whatever it takes, just don't always wait for them to come to you first. Also, don't worry so much about making new friends to hang out with on campus. That does come, in time, slowly and gradually, so just let it happen. It's probably better to pay a little more attention to your old friends instead, and hold onto them a little tighter.

Sincerely,

Future-Katie