Current time

Woo! Free blog!

I have no idea what to say... I guess whatever is current for me?

So not much has been going on. Things are starting to relax more, I have all my college apps in FAFSA is in to all the schools, I got accepted to three already, (Radford, Rutgers and Suffolk). I'm just waiting to hear back from the other eleven.

My extended essay is due in exactly one week. My bio extended essay was TOO much like a science paper (how can a science paper have too much science?) so I have to ramble about my personal feelings toward the topic for about a thousand words somewhere.

I have a bunch of stuff scheduled, including some orthognathic surgery in the first week of March, so that'll be fun. No eating solid food for over a month. The plus side is that afterward I'll be able to eat like a normal human being. I can't wait to find out what that's like. :) Oh to never be embarrassed to eat a sandwich in public again! Additionally I will no longer be required to talk in front of class as my mouth shall be wired shut. This is one medical procedure that's not having me breaking down constantly, the benefits are too good. It's possible I'll have an anxiety attack when they start trying to knock me out, but I feel pretty comfortable with this one. :D

Finally I'm going to Hawaii on the 16th of February for a week. I'm excited, we're going to go surfing and snorkeling and climbing and I shall try not to get second degree burns the day before coming back. I am secretly hoping to possibly run into my grandma while we're there. However, the chances are slim as she lives on a different island.

The Hawaii trip happens to be with the Surf Club at my school, I'm excited but not as excited as I've been for the last couple trips. I'm the only one who has been on the trip previously, and ever other trip I've been on had between four to eight students on it, all of whom were older than me. I am now a senior surrounded by a sea of twenty-eight freshmen and sophomores. This is going to be a very hectic and restricted trip. When you travel with a small group say, four students total, you have a lot of free room and opportunities. When you travel with twenty-eight people, lots of whom have not been on these sorts of trips, I can't see much of that freedom.

But hey, Hawaii, can't complain. I could be stuck in dismally cold and wet New England whether, but I'm going to sunny Hawaii, I'm not going to let the size of the group bring any of that awesome down. Besides, the more people they get to go on these trips, ensures the continuity of the club, I honestly thought I was going to be the last member until this year's spontaneous augmentation of members.

Anyways, that's all that up with me lately, I didn't really know what to post about. I think next time we do a free blog, I shall talk about cupcakes, I've been making quite a lot lately.

There are a lot of things that I know I should do, but I don't.

Some of them I don't do because I'm just plain lazy.

I know that I should get more exercise, both for the health benefits, and because the endorphins will help increase happiness and reduce stress, which would probably make some of the other things on this list easier.

I know I should start doing homework (especially major things like studying for exams) ahead of time so that I don't end up scrambling at the last minute, but I just have a really hard time motivating myself to start things when it feels like I still have lots of time left.

Other things I don't do because I'm too busy.

In this category, mostly I don't spend enough time with my friends.  I know I should see them more, and I'm always happy when I do see them, but I have a hard time justifying taking the time off when I always seem to have a massive to do list hanging over my head.

There are a lot of things that I don't do because I'm too scared.

Fear gets in the way of my social life a lot.  I eat lunch quietly in the atrium before rushing into the library, instead of going to the student lounge to hang out with everyone else.  When I go into classes I tend to sit down in the first empty seat I see, rather than looking around to see if there are any seats near the people that I know and sometimes hang out with.  And I don't like to go to any of the big social events organized by the school because they all tend to be the loud-noisy-crowded-drunken-mingly type things and I get too worked up about people being in my personal space and I worry that I won't know anyone there or that the people I do know will have more interesting people to talk to and that somehow I'll end up hovering around awkwardly by myself.  So that's probably something I should work on.

There are also things that I avoid doing for all three of these reasons.

Mainly, this is creative things, like writing.  I really love writing and I enjoy doing it and in my idealistic dream world I would be able to make a career of it someday, but I really don't do it very often.  Partly I'm too busy and always prioritize my schoolwork first.  Partly I'm too lazy and just don't write because it's so much easier to use my downtime to watch TV.  Partly I'm too scared that I'm never going to be good enough and I'll never make it as a writer and so I just don't do it because that way I'll never have to confront failure.

Okay, I feel like my post was angsty too.  Maybe this is just a really angsty theme.

Mice Facing Dragons

There are a lot of things that we know we should or need to do. And sometimes we do what we know we should and sometimes we run away like mice from the local feline. Or maybe we get distracted by a beautiful piece of cheddar, and that cheese happens to be a part of a humane mouse trap, except that the mouse trap is not as humane as it appears. And while we're distracted by that one piece of cheese, either the trap or the cat is closing in, whichever happens first.

I have a bad habit of running away from things. My brain knows it, my subconscious tries very hard to plant not so subtle messages into my dreams in order to get me to stop running away and procrastinating. I remember vividly this one specific and obvious dream about having a dragon egg. Someone told me I should get rid of the egg, but I didn't really listen because I hadn't had many bad experiences with eggs before. Except that the egg hatched and it was a dragon. The dragon kept getting bigger and more violent. So I ran around a lot, down roads, through towns, I hid in the church I went to as a kid and some other buildings, but that didn't work and there was just a lot of destruction.

Then I woke up.

My brain really wanted to drill a certain message into my conscious thoughts.

I still haven't learned that lesson. For instance, I know I should study calculus because of how necessary it is for, not only my grades now, but for what I want to do with my life. I should also do my homework to help get into my top colleges, but I am afraid to do my work because I'm afraid to acknowledge the hole I'm digging for myself by not. And thus the hole gets deeper.

I should confront my anxieties (you all must be sick of me bringing this up in posts all the time). I have to be medicated to enter my English class and I have breakdowns at the mention of a medical procedure. I'm just far too scared to actually confront the reasons for them. It's difficult. It's so much easier to just not get check-ups, not admit to any symptoms, to just hide away and not deal with it, whether the underlying reason is a fear of exposure, judgment or a trust issue, I don't know. But I know that like the dragon from my dream, those anxieties and fears are just going to get worse later on when I really do need see a doctor and I could end up getting something I might not have had I been able to confront these issues before. Yet I just keep putting it off.

Those are the two major things on my mind right now. Sometimes I feel like a mouse facing a dragon. I try to take steps in the right directions, yet I know most of the time I'm not putting my all into it. In the end, I need to get up and do what I know I should.

Aw man. this feels angsty. Disregard any angsty tones that may or may not be perceivable as I am too lazy to edit this. Thanks. :D

Memories: lots and lots of food

So this is probably going to sound weird, but the things that remind me the most of my childhood are all food. Boxed macaroni and cheese (with or without canned chili), the smell of apple pie, or - interestingly enough - nutmeg.

I know, right, nutmeg? I actually didn't know what that smell was that made me feel so nostalgic until very recently, when on a whim I sprinkled some nutmeg over sugar cookies before they went in the oven. I recognized the scent the moment I smelled it, and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy and nostalgic inside.

My family's been big on cooking for other people as a form of affection, and since we were kinda poor for most of my childhood, many many of those meals came from the blue box of mac and cheese or were baked cookies. They're both major comfort foods for me, if I've been really stressed out or need a mood boost I don't want a $10 bowl of pasta or a nice cut of steak, I crave a $2 bowl of over processed, almost fluorescent orange "pasta" (I use that term loosely...) or handmade brownies.

Aaaaaaaaand that should tell you why my family has weight problems. Well, that and our occasional dinner of "heart attack pie" - apple pie with a pack of maple sausage and cheese in it. :P

Candy and strawberries

There are two types of candy that really remind me of childhood.  One is grape push pops.  My family did a lot of camping when I was a kid, and most of the time we went to national and provincial parks where it was more secluded and natural and really like camping.  Once a summer, though, we went to a specific private, commercial campground in New Brunswick with my mom's side of the family.  And they had this little canteen that sold candy and ice cream, and every year my grandparents would take us to the canteen to buy candy, and I always got a grape push pop.  I hardly ever had them any other time, so I really only associate them with that campground.  I don't see push pops around very often, but when I do, sometimes I get a grape one just to reminisce.

The other type of candy is a type of sucker, but I don't actually know what they're called.  They're just slightly larger in diameter but thinner than a regular sucker, and they're multi-coloured with part of it being white.  I don't know if you guys know what I'm talking about, but google didn't know what I was talking about either, so that's okay.  Anyway, the gas station near the house I grew up in only had full serve pumps, and they would always bring out these suckers for any kids that were in the car, and I still can't have one of those without thinking of being in the car with one of my parents at the gas station.

Other than that most of the things I can think of are really specific, like a lake we always swam at when I was younger, or my childhood best friend who lived across the road from me but that I haven't seen in four years.  I guess also strawberry u-picks, there was one just down the road from that lake, so we used to go there and pick a bunch of strawberries and then we would go for a swim to cool off.

Nostalgia

There isn't a lot that reminds me about being a kid. I moved around and everything was always different, the language, culture, people, architecture, the climate. So I don't have many singular things to remind me of when I was little. There are really only two things that have that sort of nostalgia for me.

One, which is something that everywhere in the world has had in common for me is old things. My parents took me to a lot of old temples, ruins and archaeological dig sites when we were loving overseas. I'd go wandering off and exploring the different areas. I'd love to pull up the pictures and names of the places we visited to show you, but I don't have them on this computer. I might update this post later with them. So any old/ancient artifact or location makes me feel like being a kid again.

Clark's Spout Bubble Pops also remind me of being a kid. I remember getting them all the time when I lived in, I think, Korea. At least I'm sure it was that lollipop, I really think it was. But I just got this massive bag of lollipops and some of them were those specific kind and the look of the wrapper and shape of the pop were the exact same to the ones I remember. And even if they aren't the same, that specific brand reminds me of living in Korea. I'm pretty sure I got them when we left the doctor's office, I don't even remember the circumstances. But I remember the candy.

Okay, I lied. There are three reminders. Corn dogs, those also remind me of being little. Most of my memories are from Korea I realize. In Seoul, when my parents would go shopping at the marketplace, they would leave me at a corn dog stand and the lady there would let me eat until my parents came back. I have since retained my love for corn dogs and unfortunately there are no corn dog stands around here, only the frozen ones in boxes. I don't have corn dogs often anymore and that's probably why they still remind of being little, I miss them.


Poorly written blog is poorly written.

And so those are the three things that remind me of childhood.

All the small things

(points if you started humming Blink 182)

There are a few small things that make me really happy. For one, when I'm getting cravings for lots of sweet and fatty food, a smoothie and pretzel from Jamba Juice always hit the spot (and without all the guilt) since the smoothie is sweet and cold and the pretzel is warm and savory. Mmmmm.

Even though it takes a lot of willpower to get up and going, I really like how I feel after I've gone for a jog in the morning. Afterward I feel awake and productive, and love how it feels to go just a little farther than last time. Plus it's nice to have some time to myself to zone out and think.

I really enjoy being laid on by my sister's cat. She's come to be pretty attached to me, and while it can be annoying that she always likes hopping on my lap when I'm trying to do something else, but she's fluffy and soft and great to cuddle with.

And finally, and I'm sorry to be mushy here, it always makes me really happy and warm inside to see the look on my boyfriend's face when one of us comes to visit each other. :)

---------
So just a quick update on the Nerdfighter gathering this week. I was disappointed with how our positive pranking/nerdfighter notes portion of the night went. The Barnes and Noble staff asked us to remove the wrapped candy we'd put in some books, which we were fine with since it made sense that they might damage the books. But then staff continued to come up and rudely tell us to remove them, though we'd already immediately complied.

One of the girls had been planning on buying books, but after how we'd been treated she went to put them back, which caused even more staff to come and tell us to have our friends in the other sections stop as well (which was just the one girl putting books back). We realized that even if we just put notes in the books, if any people working there saw us put something in a book we'd probably get chewed out again so we gave up and left.

The rest of the night went well though, it was fun to get to hang out in a group of people with common interests and vernacular (i.e. getting to reference memes without being looked at strangely) and I may have found a new Dungeons and Dragons group, which I'd been hoping to find.

All and all, despite the unfortunate incident with B&N, it was a good evening and I think I've made some friends.

Things that make me happy

I like coming home and being able to take my shoes off for the first time all day, that feeling is like nothing else, it is best when you have been running around all. I always were sensible shoes but it's still so nice to take them off after a hard day.

I also enjoy putting music on while I tidy my room and singing along rather enthusiastically with some bad dancing. With the curtains shut of course and when no one else is home.

A really cold drink on a hot day. I remember at the end of July last year I was in Edinburgh for the day and my bottle of water was cool anymore and I was so thirsty. I bought a bottle of cola on the way to the train home and it was the best thing ever!

Phoning my mum is one the few things that bring real joy on a day to day basis. I don't really like talking on the phone to anyone except my mum. Even if our conversation is just me telling her what had for dinner or her telling me the crazy things my nonna said, phoning my mum really brightens my day.

My last thing is taking an hour something to read or watch an episode of whatever tv series I'm currently obsessed with (right now it's Castle). Although, if I get really into the book ends up being longer and if it's a cliff hanger ending there is 99% chance I will watch the next episode to find out what happens. I think tonight I might watch castle and then read a bit of The Fault in Our Stars. I rather sadly got one of the unsigned copies that Amazon UK had sent out, in fact right now I only of one person who got a signed one.

Bits of Joy

I really like mornings that my classes don't start too early, so that I don't have to get up right away.  I don't really like sleeping in, but I appreciate being able to wake up naturally, without an alarm clock.  My absolute favourite thing about this, though, is being able to lay in bed for ten or fifteen minutes and actually appreciate how warm and cozy my bed is, an get myself mentally prepared for the day before I have to get up.

Along the same lines, I like going to bed a little bit early so I can snuggle in and read for a few minutes before going to sleep.

I love stepping into a hot shower and feeling the water relax all my muscles.

I like a cup of tea when I get home from class/work.  Nothing fancy, just a standard orange pekoe with a splash of milk and a bit of sugar.  It's my comfort drink, and it's the most soothing thing to help me relax.

Another thing that brings me joy, though only in the winter, is those first few steps coming into a warm building after being outside in the cold.

Those are all of the happy things I can think of right now, but: happy TFIOS day!  Sarah and Rachel, I hope you enjoyed your events today!

Tiny Pieces of Happiness Throughout My Day

There are a few things that make me feel a boost of happiness every day, and they're much more appreciated when I've already been feeling down. Just wondering, does sleep count here?

One of my daily joys is dark chocolate. It's really something my mother always does, she keeps a supply of little dark chocolate squares, of which she'll eat about one every day after dinner or before bed. I always get one too. So it's just become something special to me to have a piece of chocolate.

Another thing is sunset or just before it. It's my favorite time of the day when the sky is still blue and the clouds are all painted in warm gold and then when all the trees get drowned in gold to orange light. I think it's always so beautiful to see that one moment of the day and it lifts my mood a lot.

And books and my iPod. Okay, these may or may not count, but at one point in the day I really like to just listen to SJ Tucker and read. It relieves a lot of stress to just have that one break where I can slip out into a different world for just an hour.

And so those are the daily things and activities that make me feel happier. They aren't much, but I certainly notice when they don't happen because the day will just seem a little overcast.

Additionally, tomorrow is bound to be full of happy as I journey to city of Boston and celebrate John's new book! I'm both excited and nervous at the same time, there will be so many people there.

My first post of 2012 is late!

I'm late, I'm late, for a very important... blog!

Sorry guys, I've gotten so out of the habit that it totally slipped my mind this week.

Anywho, I've had a pretty good holiday season. I'm all moved in now, though still trying to find my way around a bit - there are some great things about living right here, like that I'm right by the freeway and there's stores to suit most of my needs right over the overpass, but things like not having an affordable grocery store nearby annoy me.

I had a really low-key Christmas since the sister I was exchanging gifts with and I are both pretty broke. Though she did give me a six-piece set of sparkly nail polish, which makes me wonder who exactly she thinks I am. I know some people are into that, but the last time I was into really fun nail polish was about four years ago.... Ah well, I can save them to use if I get a teenage girl client again.

I got to visit one of my older sisters between Christmas and New Year's, which was fun, and also a relief since it's only a 2 hour drive now instead of 3 1/2. Also, we fulfilled our tradition of all-you-can-eat sushi which was delicious but a LOT of freakin' sushi.

I started work again last week, so I finally felt like a productive member of society, but there's something else I'm really excited about:

I get to go to my first Nerdfighter gathering! Well, almost/for sure/probably I do. On Tuesday (the day TFiOS comes out) there's a meetup at a local Barnes and Noble, and since I haven't made any new friends in this area I'm really excited to meet other Nerdfighters. Unfortunately, I just got notice that they're adding a new case to my Tuesday/Thursday rotation, so I'm just reeeeaaaally hoping it doesn't start until Thursday.

Anywho girls, I'll see you next week (and I'll let you know how the meetup went if I get to go to it)

DFTBA

Happy New Year!

Sorry this is late I still have my holiday brain on. (Also, there is something stuck under my S key so if there is any missing I apologise.)

This year I've had a great time. I started off with a Chritmas get together with my old school friends, every year we do secret Santa a way to save money. This year we all helped make a mini Christmas dinner, roast chicken and veg, soup and a lot deserts. I love seeing my friends this time of year since we all go to university in different places and its hard to get us all in the same place now.

On the eve of Christmas eve I went to visit my nonna with my dad, luckly my two great uncles were there too so that saved us a trip to see them too. It was really nice to get to see my nonna, she's 83 now and hasn't been very well lately so I'm trying see her as much as can now. She was still doing her best to fill us all full food a usual though.

The only real tradition we have now in my family is after dinner on Christmas eve me and my brother get one present, this is usual chocolate or something small and silly. I remember for years we would get glitter glue pens, and if I'm totally honest I would still have the most amount of fun with them if I still got them.

I spent Chritmas morning with my mum, brother, aunt and her greyhound, Mandy. We spent the morning opening presents and saying, "oh, you shouldn't have! You really didn't!" I spent the the afternoon watching tv cuddling up to Mandy. After we had dinner I headed round to my boyfriends so we could watch Doctor Who together but I ended up missing most of it because I was too busy asking his family how they were and wishing everyone a Merry Christmas.

The weather where I am has been super windy, like upto 90mph. On the 28th my mum, brother, aunt, dog and I where meant to be going to Arran, an island not far where we are but because of the weather all the ferries had been cancelled. We managed to get the first ferry the next day but my brother and I only got to stay one day because of this. I hadn't been to Arran in years and it is honestly one of the mot beautiful places in Scotland, if you ever make this side of the Atlantic you should put it on your places to vist list.

My new year was pretty standard. I went to a party and had a few drinks, manage just in time to switch on the tv to count down to the bells, hugged and kissed and wished everyone a happy new year.

I have no real resolutions other than to be better this year than last. It seems to me to be the easiest to keep and most achievable.

Holiday Catch-up

Today the holidays are officially over for me, since I left home this morning to come back to Halifax, and had my first class of the semester this afternoon.  It was a really nice break.

The whole break was pretty chill.  I spent most of the week before Christmas just lazing around recovering from exams, although I also finished up my Christmas shopping and baked a bunch of Christmas cookies.

On Christmas Eve morning, I got together with my friends from home to do our annual gift exchange.  My secret Santa donated a flock of chicks in my name through Heifer International, which I thought was a really excellent idea.  After the exchange we played a few board games before all going home to spend the day with our families.  

I went home and helped mom make supper, then in the evening we went to visit my grandfather.  We don't really have a lot of Christmas traditions any more, but our Christmas Eve is usually pretty much the same.  We visit with my grandfather for a few hours.  On the way home we drive through town and then take the scenic route instead of the highway so that we can see everyone's Christmas lights.  When we get home we have a glass of egg nog and watch whatever classic Christmas special happens to be on TV (This year it was Scrooge (the 1951 version)).

For Christmas I got a new camera, and a few clothes, and a ton of chocolate.  I also used the Christmas money I got from a few of my relatives to buy a new iPod.  Both my old camera and iPod were over 6 years old, so the sudden technology upgrade is kind of incredible.

My brother got home on the 27th, so then we had a smaller second Christmas for all the presents to and from him.  He got me Munchkin, which is one of my favourite games and I've considered buying it for myself several times, so it was nice to have it for myself and be able to introduce it to my friends who've never played before.  His flight got in pretty early in the morning, so we still had the whole rest of the day after that, so we went to visit my great-aunt, did a little shopping, and went out for dinner.

On New Year's Eve my family always has fondue for dinner, which is one of my favourite meals of the year.  It's delicious, plus it's a nice slow meal, so you appreciate each other's company more rather than just sitting down and stuffing your faces.  One of my friends always hosts a party, so that's how I spent my New Year's Eve this year, as usual.  He has three younger sisters between the ages of ten and twenty, and all four kids have friends over and usually a bunch of their aunts and uncles are there too, so it tends to be a little crowded and crazy (they also have a hyperactive dog, and five cats, which just makes it even more ridiculous), but I think New Year's Eve is better when there are lots of people.  We played a few board games, had some snacks, and then it was time for fireworks.  Their firework displays are always pretty impressive; they seriously must spend a few hundred dollars on fireworks every year.  I love fireworks.  After that there's always a glass of champagne for the adults and sprite for the younger kids, and after making a few toasts and talking a bit about the past year and the new year and everything, we all head home.

I didn't really make any New Year's resolutions this year.  Usually I do.  Last year I had a whole spreadsheet of resolutions, and they were all specific and measurable and everything, so that I could keep track of my progress and make sure that I actually did them instead of giving up after a month like I usually do.  I guess it helped somewhat, since I didn't give up until April.  I don't know.  This year I just don't know what to resolve, I guess.  I'm not sure what direction I want to go.  I guess my resolution would be to actually do things that I want to/mean to/feel like I should do, instead of just saying I'm going to do them and then being too lazy.

2012! And what I did for Christmas.

As I write this, we are taking down the Christmas tree. Goodbye, my evergreen pleasant smelling friend.

I hope everyone has had a splendid holiday season this year!

Unless you celebrate Christmas up until January 6^th, the holidays are pretty much over. We’ve gotten through Hanukkah, Christmas and New Years.

I got some pretty mice things for Christmas, including Eleven’s sonic screwdriver, a Doctor Who calendar and a Gryffindor scarf. It was pretty good. I can also happily say that I did not receive any makeup this year. It sucks to be the girl who gets offended by makeup, jewelry and clothing based gifts.

It was pretty nice this year. We had Christmas at our house then we took a trip to New Jersey to have Christmas number two, and it was incredibly crowded with the entirety of my mother’s side of the family in a very small room that is already crammed with boxes of presents.

There was also the usual post-Christmas shopping trip for the post-Christmas sales, where I was reminded of my aunts being absolute shopaholics. I’ve always been the person to spend, at the most, fifteen minutes in a store that did not sell books; I think my aunts spent at least two hours in every single store they walked in.

Not much of an exciting tradition, presents here, presents there, awkward conversations with relatives, awkward shopping trips, Jewish half of the family comes over to party and crazy amounts of small and hyperactive children.

That’s Christmas.

We spent New Years here in Massachusetts; I pretty much slept through it on account of a headache and pain meds for my recently removed wisdom teeth. Because of this, I hope it can act as an omen for more sleep during 2012 than I got during 2011.

I wish you all a reasonable amount of sleep in 2012, because it is an underrated blessing to have enough sleep and you will need it, I hear the Apocalypse will be a busy day.

And did anyone make a resolution for the New Year? Mine is to be able to handle/control my anxiety over medical procedures.