I have a long history with bullying, this is going to be a while

So bullying has been a major part of my life for a very long time, it's normally something I don't like to talk about. But I have no objections about talking about it here.

I never experienced bullying until I moved to the States and I didn't understand it at first. I had come from an environment where everyone I knew was a different nationality, they moved a lot, I moved a lot, we all had different backgrounds but that was what allowed us to make friends quickly and easily, the kids when I moved to the US had all been born in the same hospital and their parents had all been friends since high school. Those kids were my nightmare for a long time, as a consequence of growing up overseas I spoke differently, bits of Korean and Arabic would come through in my speech, I had a lot of different habits too, It was really easy to point me out in the class. I know I made friends differently than they did, when people come and go all the time it's tough to adjust to a place where you're stuck with them. The teachers had my IQ tested because I didn't know the words to the Barney songs they would sing, but it wasn't that I didn't know the words it was that I watched Barney in Korean so of course I wasn't going to sing the English version (I was seven/six-ish when I moved here).

So I got bullied a lot after moving here. The kids treated me differently and the teachers didn't know what to do with a student from overseas. Some kids who lived on my road actually threw rocks at me on the way home. I don't know if being from a different country was why I was bullied but I certainly don't remember anyone else being a victim of it. They were a pretty tight group and all seemed to be in on all the jokes played on me.

I was so glad when I left that school. But I still had to take the same bus as a lot of them even though I tried to go to a different school than the majority. I always sat near the front of the bus because I couldn't stand being near the students I had once been in class with. It didn't stop the younger grades, majorly they're siblings and friends from bullying me as well, mostly they would pile all their bags on the empty seats so I wouldn't have anywhere to sit and would be forced to sit back with the kids from my grade I had been trying so hard to avoid.

I never told anyone about what was happening and if I did I would beg the person not to tell. Partly it was because the times I did tell someone what was happening it would get brushed off by the teachers or I would end up in trouble for being a "tattle-tale" and partly because I got used to it. This one time a friend of mine did go to some authorities for me and about half the bus reprimanded. The one thing that bothered me the most though, was the mother of the pair of twins who had bullied me the most those years. She was the one who apologized to me for their behavior. She didn't even think her kids had to take any responsibility for their actions, I think those twins should have apologized not her. Anyways, I don't think either of those two are still in school anymore along with a lot of kids from my old school.

I don't get bullied all that often anymore. I may not have a lot of friends and people will take any opportunity they can to sit as far away from me as possible, but I'm made fun of anymore. And it doesn't bother me that people avoid me, I'm as uncomfortable around them as they are around me, I know I don't fit in here, I don't read Twilight or watch Jersey Shore, I don't care about going to the mall and I don't think a license to drive a car or social situations are the most important things to happen in life. And I know that half of them drink and smoke, but I'm really just not into it.

I'm not trying to say I'm better than anyone, I'm not trying to say I'm more intellectual or anything, I know I'm not and I know that a lot of them are very intelligent and good people. I just don't take the same things seriously or put the same value on certain activities. So I don't blame them for not wanting to sit with me and I don't particularly want to listen to their conversations. I'm certain that half of it is because people think I'm a slob, that's due to an under-bite that makes it very awkward and difficult for me to eat, especially in public, that'll be fixed soon so I will be able to eat neatly and not appear to be gross.

That's been my experience with being bullied. There was a brief period of time where I did become the bully. It was when I had made a friend in middle school where I was bullied on the bus but escaped it in the classroom. However that friend was very unpopular, he was noted for being a teacher's pet, suck-up, poor hygiene, etc. I found out I was being made fun of again behind my back and people would come up to me and make rude comments about me being friends with him. I was really desperate to escape that, I didn't want to go through another school being the one everyone hated. So I distanced myself as far as possible from that friend and ended up making comments about him behind his back.

It only lasted a couple weeks but I feel horribly about it. I realized what I had become and stopped. I didn't go back to trying to be his friend. I did have a reason to be mad at him at the time and I'm still mad at him for it. While we were still hanging out my cat had become very sick and passed away and everyday he would come up to me and ask in the most insensitive tone if he had died yet, I'm surprised I didn't stay the bully even longer than a couple weeks.

That's it. I was bullied practically my entire time spent living here, and I became a bully because I was afraid of becoming the victim again. Right now I'm mostly just ignored and I can't wait to go away to college, I see it as a new beginning. Hopefully I'll go from being ignored to being someone people won't mind being around. I hope I don't come across wrong in this, I feel that when I talk about being bullied people think I try to put myself above others, I really don't mean to come across that way if I am.